I should blog more often.

But nothing really interesting happens in my life. I've recently gotten a passion for drawing, and a renewed interest in swordsmanship. Although all the big knights in shining armor (or chainmail) are cracking hobbit jokes at me anytime they can. LOL. Dang. They're like twice my size.

Well, at least I took some of them down during grading... Hahaha. And I got invited to join the demo team! Although I suspect it will be to use me to tell the audience, "Look, in European swordsmanship, even a hobbit can prevail!!!"

Pfffbbbttt @.@

Anyway, more about the Jane thing...

I really, really, really don't want to follow her to her church any more, and I think I've been dropping lots and lots of hints... Body language, reluctance, body language, reluctance... Ho dang. I really wish she'll leave me alone.

Irrational fears need to die!

I almost came clean with her yesterday. She asked me not to "discontinue the meeting of the brethren", quoting scripture at that... Oh, and I was like, dang, please don't tempt me, please don't tempt me... I almost said, "I believe different now" outright.

Then again, just what the hell am I afraid of? I have no idea. The unknown outcome? Her opinion of me?

I really need to stop caring. Although to all outward appearances, I don't.

Maybe that's why. Oh, my, I feel guilty already.

-tears hair out-

Jane makes me want to tear out all my hair.

I haven't been going to that church for close to a month and a half. Liberation! The feeling's great. Unburdened. I can sleep well at night. That sort of thing. No need to worry about eternal hellfire no more. I don't believe any of it anymore.

And then I find that I can make peace with a lot more people. Talk to people weary of the christians yelling "YOU'RE GONNA GO TO HELL" in their face.

A renewed interest in science, since I have no more worries about contradicting beliefs. I mean, I liked science, I started reading all about science since I was 8, even when the subject wasn't yet required. I liked dinosaurs. You know, the Land Before Time? I loved that movie as a kid, I still have that giant CD thing. Littlefoot's yawn when he was a baby is stuck into my head after more than ten years, so is the movie's theme. I loved dinosaurs, I have a whole box of them.

Make that three.

And scientists are absolute geniuses, when I look at all their theories and their calculations and their... Stuff, in general. They're really smart. I was loath to dismiss them when I went over to Jane's church, seriously. They number in the hundreds of thousands, dealing with scientific, unbiased facts. The stuff they can draw from mere observation is something I can never do.

Then the YEC people comes along and dismisses virtually all of them, putting this uncrossable gap between them and science. And the more I look at the theories by the YEC, the more unbelievable they seem. They even had the nerve to fabricate human footprints at dinosaur track sites.

What the world needs is more... Veracity. Not more liars. Liars destroy themselves. And others as well.

I was one such liar myself. Still do lie occassionally. I'm not proud of it, but I'd be lying if I said otherwise. And it's not a nice feeling, everyone knows. Ducking spears from the shadows, real and imaginary. And sooner or later you're gonna get hit.

So Jane called me earlier and told me to listen to one of their new sermons. I still haven't come clean with her yet. She had a church camp for the past week, I was out skiving in Indonesia, filling up my sketch books with incoherent scribblings and my notebook with cynical ramblings.

Anyway, she only told me that they were studying the bible, hardcore. The bible... KJV's the one they use the most often. Unfortunately not the most reliable, but there's no 100% reliable bible out there anyway. But that's the point, I fear that they studing the KJV hardcore, and not the Scriptures.

Wonder what they learned. All Jane told me was that she "learnt a lot". I too learnt a lot in their church. Some knowledge came in handy (Before that, as a lay Catholic, I didn't even know the existence of the tabernacle, can you believe it?). But most were discarded.

I originally planned to make my confession if she pressed about my baptism. But it didn't come. Thank God, in a way.

Gosh, I'm such a coward.

Ahhhh

I just want to tear all my hair out.

So somehow by some luck (Definitely God... Uhmm... Lol. I feel silly saying that nowadays since God does everything. xD) I managed to avoid facing my (Pentecostal) bible study teachers for an entire month.

I'm only keeping quite sane by Ravel's music, haha. I must type about him now, right now! I'm listening to his "Pavane for a dead Princess", and it's just so calming and rich, it brings me to another world. (Been crazy about Ravel this month!! Finished learning 2/3 of his Sonatine within this month!!! I can keep playing his music for hours and hours at a time, it's so calming and stirring, the positive type. Why he even had critics is beyond me!) The Ravel songs on the right are my favorite ones. Go listen to them if you need something soothing. :D Ravel's songs are like, depressing, calm, peaceful and joyous at the same time, it's so magical. Especially number 2.

Ok cut the fangirl talk.


I still can't face Jane! What should I do? Send her the bibletruths.com website? Send her an email telling her about the doctrines I'm uncomfortable with, masking it as a question? I don't know!

And this time no one else can help.

At the last post, I had an attitude of, "If it comes, it comes, I'll just stop worrying about it!", but now, it's just, "ARGGGHHH."

So actually i had two youtube correspondents. One of them doesn't beleifve in Paul, the other was debating with me about the hell thing.

For the second guy, I sent him the bible-truths website and rid myself of him.

But for the first guy, I'm just leaving him alone. I wish I can post what he typed on here, but I don't think I should do that... It's not very nice I guess. And I think it's time I stop looking at others for all the answers..

Uhh. Well maybe not... But I don't think it's really proper to go around posting pms into public.

Nothing much to type about here... I've answered my questions already. Kind of. Yeah. Not that I have many to begin with.

No, actually, I'm booming with questions. Something in me is just not content with sitting around and not looking for historical facts about Scripture. I mean I believe in it, but if someone were to ask me its origin, I can't pull the answer off the top of my head, you know. x_x

Jane gave me this explanation of why we need water baptism for salvation.

She says to compare ourselves with a rug. A rug with a stain on it. In the end, it's not just enough to be cleansed spiritually, we need to "wash away" that stain with water, right?

I didn't comment at the time, but I know what I would say. The rug is our spirit, right? So when we're baptised in spirit, that's it, spiritual water washes the stain away. The rug is not yet waterproof because it's a rug so it still can be stained, but at least you got that spiritual water ready to wash away that stain. Something like that. Why does the water suddenly have to be physical? I mean, there it is, your baptism in spirit is that water you mentioned.

I don't know, they keep quoting Acts 2:38.

Act 2:38 Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.

It's almost as if you're getting water baptized for the remission of sins.

Well, this verse plainly says so, actually... Yikes. :(

Well, I shall be off to more studies. :)

Mini diary

4-5-09

Legend: My pentecostal friend = Jane

So today I faced more pressure from Jane. I don't know how to say it. She's telling me that I can't drag this baptism anymore. She still thinks I'm still up and on fire for her pentecostal church. How can I ever tell her the truth? She's doing all she can to get me "saved", and trying to make me go to her church. What can I do? All I'm doing now is to evade all of them.

Wow, my thoughts are in a mess. Haha.

So anyway Jane was all... "If you don't get baptized YOU WILL DIE! Do you get it? Really? You will die, and God's gonna hold me responsible for it!!"

I felt like saying something. I was bursting to say something about it... Something like, "Scripture, please?" (But that'd be rather arrogant of me, I think). I didn't say a single word, can you believe it. I tried to pretend to look slightly troubled and changed the subject.

But she's starting to corner me. I can't worm my way out of these little discussions much longer. Soon she'll know the truth of what I really think, and I don't know how in the world I'm going to handle it peacefully. I like her as a friend, and I really don't wanna lose her because of little (okay, vast and massive) doctrinal nitpicks. Really... If I were to go by the 7 foundational scriptures method (The most solid I've ever seen, honestly), I might make myself look like this great arrogant idiot who thinks she knows everything to Jane, even though she may have no answer. Or she might throw me some unexpected question who only people who have gone through lots of bible studies will know the answer to, and I'll betray my inexperience and ignorance by giving a bad answer. And well, here it is again, she's a really good friend and I don't want to be too criticizing of her doctrine....

I was just reading about "How the Bible came about" by Ray late last night, and wow, I'd forgotten the great depth of Ray's scholarship and research. It really made me more confident in the authenticity of the scriptures we have now, and I think now I have a few answers to give my catholic friend. All those verses that were not in the original manuscripts in bibles now really make me wish I was still in Paul's time, when everything was less confusing and things...

I still wish that the Lord can slow down on his pottery...

But, well, in any case, His will be done.