Jane makes me want to tear out all my hair.

I haven't been going to that church for close to a month and a half. Liberation! The feeling's great. Unburdened. I can sleep well at night. That sort of thing. No need to worry about eternal hellfire no more. I don't believe any of it anymore.

And then I find that I can make peace with a lot more people. Talk to people weary of the christians yelling "YOU'RE GONNA GO TO HELL" in their face.

A renewed interest in science, since I have no more worries about contradicting beliefs. I mean, I liked science, I started reading all about science since I was 8, even when the subject wasn't yet required. I liked dinosaurs. You know, the Land Before Time? I loved that movie as a kid, I still have that giant CD thing. Littlefoot's yawn when he was a baby is stuck into my head after more than ten years, so is the movie's theme. I loved dinosaurs, I have a whole box of them.

Make that three.

And scientists are absolute geniuses, when I look at all their theories and their calculations and their... Stuff, in general. They're really smart. I was loath to dismiss them when I went over to Jane's church, seriously. They number in the hundreds of thousands, dealing with scientific, unbiased facts. The stuff they can draw from mere observation is something I can never do.

Then the YEC people comes along and dismisses virtually all of them, putting this uncrossable gap between them and science. And the more I look at the theories by the YEC, the more unbelievable they seem. They even had the nerve to fabricate human footprints at dinosaur track sites.

What the world needs is more... Veracity. Not more liars. Liars destroy themselves. And others as well.

I was one such liar myself. Still do lie occassionally. I'm not proud of it, but I'd be lying if I said otherwise. And it's not a nice feeling, everyone knows. Ducking spears from the shadows, real and imaginary. And sooner or later you're gonna get hit.

So Jane called me earlier and told me to listen to one of their new sermons. I still haven't come clean with her yet. She had a church camp for the past week, I was out skiving in Indonesia, filling up my sketch books with incoherent scribblings and my notebook with cynical ramblings.

Anyway, she only told me that they were studying the bible, hardcore. The bible... KJV's the one they use the most often. Unfortunately not the most reliable, but there's no 100% reliable bible out there anyway. But that's the point, I fear that they studing the KJV hardcore, and not the Scriptures.

Wonder what they learned. All Jane told me was that she "learnt a lot". I too learnt a lot in their church. Some knowledge came in handy (Before that, as a lay Catholic, I didn't even know the existence of the tabernacle, can you believe it?). But most were discarded.

I originally planned to make my confession if she pressed about my baptism. But it didn't come. Thank God, in a way.

Gosh, I'm such a coward.